How to deal with heartbreak.

Hearbreak in a Nutshell


Everyone has been there, your granny, your granda, your brother, your bestfriend. Every single person on this earth has felt heartbreak at some stage or another, and I'm sure they'll all agree; it's pretty damn awful.

More often than not, I get asked how to deal with, or get over, heartache. The answers can sometimes range from very in depth responses, to the more simple replies, but there is one thing that is very prominent in what I have to say. The answer to heartache is merely this > MOVE ON!

...And that is it in a nutshell. But how you chose to move on, is what boggles the mind of many. How do you stop loving your ex? How do you watch them move on and not crumble? How are you EVER possibly going to survive without that one person who has such a hold over you? So much so, that you fear your life as you know it, is going to end and you can't see yourself coping?

I've been there. As pathetic as it may sound, I have been on the receiving end of heartache, wondering all of these things. But the most amazing thing is, I'm still here and amazingly enough I haven't died, even though at times the pain felt almost physical. Consumed by the hurt I was feeling, I questioned everything, what is life? Why is this happening? When will it end? Will I ever feel ok again?

The Key

The key to heartache is remembering, that it WILL, in fact, end. That is the beautiful thing about life, nothing is permanent, nothing is forever. Just like the good things that come to an end, so do all the bad. Life is beautiful, it is a wonderful thing. We are merely wondering souls who inhabit this planet for a short space of time. If something doesn't fit anymore, change it. If you don't enjoy something, stop doing it. 

As cheesy as it sounds; life is what we make of it. Once we chose to let go, of the hurt, pain, anger and negative emotions we may feel due to whatever reason, that is when we start to enjoy and appreciate the real beauty of life. For life, is a magnificent, challenging, incredible journey that we should never take for granted.

Emotions

There are of course, many mixed emotions that come with a breakup. Sometimes you may feel a sense of relief, as you leave something that was no longer justifiable to neither you or the partner, and that's fine. Along with the sense of relief you may feel a sense of sadness as a part of your journey closes, that's also fine. 

Being in control of your emotions is what needs to happen here, for without control, of course things are going to spiral. You will find yourself in many dark places, Control is Key!

Personal Experience


(Disclaimer: Before I go any further, it has to be said that this is coming from my point of view, there are always two sides to every story, every break up. I will not mention names, I will not slander, I will only write what is the truth on my behalf)

When I had my baby girl, I also had a traumatic relationship breakdown. I had been with this person for 4 years previous, he was with me on the day my baby was born, (in my previous post I touch on this and how amazing he was, how I would never have got through it without him there), he spent my last 3 birthdays with me, we shared many memories together, as was expected. I believed him to be the man I would spend the rest of my life with.

But that wasn't to be. 

Trying to get your head round to the simple fact you would no longer see this person, wake up beside them, go to sleep and see them last thing at night, was very hard. It took a long time for me to able to come to terms with this.

Not only had I just had an emotional split up, my grandmother was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, within two weeks she had passed and I was completely on my own, the same weekend I found out my ex had moved on and had a new girlfriend. It was a complete shock to the system, also because I later found out he had actually picked my engagement ring when I seen a photo of it.

It was hard. I had just had a baby, my hormones were all over the place, I was adjusting to life as a first time single mother, I lost my partner and best friend, I lost my grandmother, I moved out for the first time and into my own house. It was difficult at the time, for 8 weeks I prayed everyday to wake up and be over it. I never really cried, mainly because I never wanted my baby to see me cry, I wanted to remain strong for her. She was my rock.

It wasn't an overnight thing, it took weeks of emotional stress, weeks of feeling down about it. It wasn't until I actually decided enough was enough and that I wasn't being the victim of my own emotions anymore, and there I accepted it.

Acceptance

When you decide to accept what is happening around you is out of your hands, when you decide to give up ultimate control, to just run with it, to let yourself feel the pain... That is when you will be set free from your emotions. That is when you will start to grieve for your losses, and when you will start to build your life back up. 

Deciding to let in, and feel the pain I was feeling, of both my grandmothers death and my break up, was the best thing I ever did. At that moment, when I accepted I couldn't run from it anymore, I started to become whole again. 

Instead of going on an emotional rebound, I decided to let myself grieve. I let in the pain, I faced the emotional damage, and it was the making of me. 

From that moment, I felt no more pain, I felt no negative emotions, instead I started looking positively to the future, wishing everyone all the happiness in the world. I felt no more grief, I felt no hard feelings towards anyone. I was finally happy again, back to who I was before, and even better, I now had a beautiful little baby girl to teach and watch grow.


The End

I'm still asked about "what happened", but I don't go over the past. We weren't meant to be, it's as simple as that. Two souls who met for a short period of time, who felt amazing wonderful things together, who's chapter had come to an end. Which is why I am thankful it happened, I smile about it. Many memories, many life lessons all learned. I now have my beautiful daughter, which wouldn't have happened had I not met my ex partner. Everything is how it should be. 

The end of two peoples journey can be a sad one, but it doesn't have to be.

______________________________________________________

So how do you get over heartache? You accept it, you choose to be the bearer of your own emotions, you choose to fill your heart with peace and understand just some things aren't meant to be. Accept you will never get answers to some of the questions you might have, believe and have faith that the universe knows what you need before you do.

Guess what? You WILL survive, you WILL get over it, it will ONLY make you a better person in the long run. Don't be scared to leave something that no longer serves you, serves a purpose in your life. Things breakdown so that better things can fall into place. Have faith that everything will someday be ok, remember it's ok to hurt, but remember YOU run your life.

You alone, are the author of your own story. Your happiness does not lay within someone else, you are whole. Someone or some thing, does not complete you - You are already complete. And you are beautiful.

MegHan: MTM

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