It's been a while...


The world of blogging seems like a different thing altogether from the amount of time I have spent off it, but I am glad to be back on game!

I apologise for promising to keep everyone up to date on my pregnancy and then only writing about the first trimester, I had SO many good things coming for you guys, but never got around to sharing them. But never fear, they will all happen in due time :)

The Past 9 Months

I say the past 9 months... but it hasn't been, it's been this past year! Madness!
Within the last year I have been pregnant for 9/10 months, given birth to a beautiful little girl, had a seriously bad relationship breakdown, lost both my grandmothers (the remaining two grandparents I had alive) and I have become a totally different person because of it all.

This past year has been a very bitter sweet year; losing both my grandparents and a relationship breakdown was horrible, #Goodbye2015, although it was the year I give birth to my saviour in life, my daughter, Penélope Christina, so it hasn't been all bad.

Different Outlook

I will get into all gory details of my life this past year in a later blog, but for now... I'll just explain what a massive IMPACT this year has had on me.

I've never been through a more traumatising, magnificent, incredible, hard year in all my life, and for anyone who knows me, knows I've had it tough in the past, but this year tops them all.

Have my waters broke?!

Finding out I was pregnant a year ago (give a couple of days), being petrified of birth, having to grow and stretch and all the mad things that happen to your body when you're pregnant, including massive boobs, which are agony. No clothes fitting and having to buy sizes you never thought you would see. Having water retention and looking like Mr Blobby.
Not only all of this.... I went into prem-labour TWICE because I was so stressed with everything else that was going on in my life. Steroid injections, drugs to stop my labour, I had it all.

My first grandmother, whom I was her carer, died when I was 4 months pregnant on 6th April, that was hard enough, but then a few days after on the 21st April my brothers 2 year Anniversary was upon us. Disgusting month for me (sorry for anyone who has birthdays in that month).

Skip forward to August, my prem-labour started at 34weeks and 5 days pregnant after I attended a bodybuilding show... Luckily I was under 35 weeks, so I got the steroid injections to boost the babies lungs, had she been born. Although I was kept in hospital for a while and my labour was successfully stopped... for the time being. Out and back in a couple of days later after my labour started yet again, this time because I was over the 35weeks, they let me progress, I had already been told I was fully effaced and 3cms dilated the previous time I had went in, which is why I was rushed to the neonatal unit, so I was quite worried.
But nope, little missy stopped again, so I walked about for 3 weeks being 3cms and fully effaced... Having contractions daily I never knew when Miss P was going to come.

Then on Friday 4th September (38 weeks, 4 days pregnant) at 2:55am I woke, with what I felt was a cramp and a bit of leakage, so I got up and went to the toilet, and wow, a gush! I thought to myself "Have I just lost control of my bladder?!" So I sat, and it happened again..... I was thinking about waking my mum but thought no.... this couldn't be it.

I got up and put a pad on because of the leakage (silly first time mum, thought nothing of it), went back into bed and it happened again, "No, I need to wake my mum" - So up I get, aobout 3:10am at this stage... "Mum I think my waters have broken". So up me mum gets, and we sit and it happens again... 4 big gushes, so I phone over to the maternity ward and of course they tell me to go over to be checked.

I go to the car.... wait for it.... Put a PLASTIC BAG down, so I don't wet the car...yep! Mortifying! I also still haven't phoned my partner at this stage to let him know I think my waters have broke and that I'm on my way to the maternity ward with my notes and bag, didn't want to wake him, afterall I was having no real contractions and I still wasn't entirely sure what was happening.

Got to the ward, the midwife takes me in, puts the monitor on, tells me I'm not having any contractions, but she'll need to perform a speculum test to tell me wether or not my waters have gone. (This includes a smear type test with a cotton bud, if the bud turns black, it's your waters)

Well, she never got to perform her test, she lifted my gown and touched my slightly with the cotton bud and BLACK straight away. It was my waters!


Examined and told me I was 3cms still, with no contractions. (Also that she felt a LOT of hair on the babies head, I was so happy!) Still hadn't phoned my partner.

Left an hour or so by the time the doctor had come round to visit me, my contractions were very slight, when he left after telling me they would start a drip in 19 hours if nothing had happened, the midwife decided to examine me again, I was 6cms. In one hour. Still hadn't phoned my partner yet.

At this stage I was beginning to think "Maybe this will be it", even though it DEFINITELY was it! I finally got a hold of my partner and told him to come down, that I might be having a baby today, lol. He got down an hour later after I told him not to rush. When he arrived I was being taken to the labour ward, I got up and walked around, there was no keeping me down on any bed, I wanted up! My birth notes had said so!

Got around to the room, I got the classical music on, I prepared myself, I sat and chilled out with my partner, my mum, and my dad, midwives changed at 8am and in came the lovely midwife who would later deliver my baby :). My dad headed home to go to work, so it was just us 3. I sat on the ball, bounced, walked around the room, laughed between my surges (contractions for anyone who doesn't hypnobirth).

I had myself that well mentally prepared for labour and using my hypnobirthing methods that when the nurse placed the gas and air on the bed, I asked her immediately to remove it. "You'll need it when you're in the throws of labour darling, trust me". I MADE her remove it straight away, I didn't want it, nor need it! I had this.

A couple of hours passed and a LOT of surges, I was still calm, at this stage my surges were coming thick and fast, my partner sat with my mum talking to me, I asked for silence during my surges, it helped me focus on my breathing better, it helped me tell myself I was ok, that my body was made for this, that I was going to get through it. All these affirmations truly helped me.

The longest, hardest surge appeared, I was squatting on the bed over the back of it by this stage, I refused to lye down, I told the midwife I wanted to push, my partner later told me the surge was 6 minutes long, I wasn't even getting a break at this stage.

The midwife examined me, I was 8cms. She asked me did I want some paracetamol, I refused. I was going to do this, no matter what people tried to say, I was determined to get through without anything.

After switching positions a couple of times, I was back squatting and tried pushing a couple of times, the midwife told me I wasn't ready, but I tried anyway, and nothing. So I took her advice and breathed the last couple out, didn't push, just waited for them to pass. Each surge was one surge less, I kept telling myself.

I then got on my side, the sister on the ward came in and examined, I was 10cms and I was ready to push. What a moment!

I started pushing and Penélope was born 47 minutes later. It was all very quick. From the moment my waters born until giving birth was only 7 hours, pretty quick for a first baby. The whole thing is videoed, everytime I watch it I cry. Magical moment!

I had done it, no pain relief, no gas and air, no paracetamol, just my own strong determined head, my partner at the time and my mum. My mum cooled my head with a face cloth whilst my partner rubbed my back. It helped me a lot. The sister and the midwife were brilliant, coaching me on when I thought she wasn't coming. I remember saying "This baby literally isn't even coming", little did I know, she was very nearly crowning.

Birth isn't painful, I would never use that word. Instead I say yes, it was hard, the surges were strong and heavy, your belly felt tight, you felt tired, but not once was it painful. Tell yourself it was painful and it will be. Afterall, if it was that bad. Would people be wanting more? :)

The afterbirth...

When Penélope was born, she wasn't Penélope at all, she had been Harper the whole time, so my mum called her Harper, and I said no, it doesn't suit her. I still hadn't a name for 2 days. Then Penélope Christina, (Christina after my sister).

It's funny that I called this "the afterbirth", because I'm quite literally, going to talk about my afterbirth...

My placenta was going to be taken home, sent away to encapsulated and I wanted to take it in tablet form. I had read the many health benefits of doing this and I wanted to definitely try it, no matter the cost.

I never got my wish...

After everything was pain relief free, (even though just before she was born I said "Just give me an epidural" due to being so tired), my placenta decided to be stubborn and not to come out. So I had to head to theatre, where I got a spinal and numbed from the waist down, I was gutted to be taken away from my baby an hour after she was born, that whole hour was spent with her on my chest and I breastfed her for the first time, it was magnificent. But needs must... Taken to theatre and I was awake, two hours later they brought me back, Penélope was with my mum, and I got her back. Gutted I couldn't get up and do the things I wanted to though, I was bed ridden for nearly 24 hours.

Althought after peeing 7/8 times a night for the whole 9 months of pregnancy, it was lovely to not have to get up due to having a catheter in, lol.

The Miracle of Childbirth... absolutely incredible. It is nothing to be feared, it is a normal part of everyday life, I enjoyed every minute of it and I would go back and do it all tomorrow again. It is amazing, hypnobirthing truly helped me. Do not listen to people who will try and tell you that you can't, just prove them wrong, like I did.
The feeling childbirth gives you is something out of this world, it totally transforms you, it changes your perspective of the world. It puts you into an almost uphoric trance state. I would do it over and over again.


That's the story of my birth, I will touch more on hypnobirthing and the rest of what happened AFTER my baby was born later in time, right now I have to get back to my hungry 19 week old baby, Thanks for reading,


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